30 weeks

My friends are moving to Japan.

Jason and I have known Jeremy & Gina for a little over 13 years.  Jeremy led the first small group we ever attended as a couple.  They've helped us move - several times.  :-)  Jason worked with Jeremy as an intern at a church plant.  Gina and I have chatted many hours together, while our 'mischievous' little boys played naked in the mud outside.  Jeremy has baptized 3 members of our family.  They've walked through some awful times with us, loved us well, and have lived the Gospel right before our eyes.

On October 17, they will board a plane and fly to Japan as missionares.  And before I say anymore, I should say - I know that moving to Japan is exactly what God has called them to do.  I believe that the Japanese need the Gospel, and I believe that Jeremy & Gina are going to love them well.

Three months ago, I really didn't want to have to say good-bye to them or imagine life without them just 30 minutes away.  I didn't want Elijah to have to say good-bye to his best friend.  I knew I would miss them terribly.

But now... they can't go.  They just can't go. 

I am angry that God ordained their departure date for less than a month from now.  Now.  During this season, when I need them.  They will never meet Elliana.  Jeremy will not get to baptize her.  Gina will never get to hold her. 

And Jeremy will not be here to perform her funeral. 

This feels like a million knives in my heart.

I know the 'Christianese' that people would use in response to what I've just written.  God has a plan.  His timing is best.  Taking the Gospel to people who have never heard it before is more important than anything.  God hasn't forgotten me.  Maybe God is taking away the 'crutches' in my life so that I'll learn to depend on Him more.

But do you know what all of that sounds like in my ears right now? 

(And I truly do not mean this disrespectfully at all.)

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  And more blah.

God might have a plan, but (warning: I'm about to be see-how-black-my-heart-is honest here) I think that whatever the plan is, it sucks.  And I, personally, think that the timing is rotten.  More than rotten, actually.  I think that I need Jeremy & Gina more than the Japanese do.  The Japanese could wait a few more months.  I feel forgotten.  I feel worse than forgotten - chewed up, spit out, and stomped on.  And I'm OK with my 'crutches'.  I like them just fine where they are, thank you very much.

I'm trying to think of something else to write.  Like, something hopeful.  I feel like I should try to put a pretty, shiny bow on this post so that I don't end it sounding like I've completely lost my religion.  But I can't think of anything else to say. 

Except... I love Jeremy & Gina. 

And I love my Elliana.  I wish so much that she could live.  That I could tell her all about Jeremy & Gina, and then introduce her to them in a few years.