Reckless Love

When Elijah was a newborn, his birthmother had about a month to change her mind.  I so vividly remember holding him and being fearful of getting too attached to him - because I knew there was a very real possibility that I might have to hand him back over to her.  I remember struggling so much for those few weeks, wanting to love him wholeheartedly, to love him with all that I had, and to think of him as 'mine'.  That day did come - May 3, 2002 - when he was officially 'ours'.

When our first foster baby was placed in our care, I remember struggling in a similar way.  I wanted to give him my heart - and I did - but I was so fearful the entire 6 months he was with us that I'd have to say goodbye to him.  I think part of me wanted to put some distance between him and me, to protect my heart from getting hurt.  And my heart did break the day he left us.

There's no hesitation this time.  Elliana has my heart. 

This song came on the radio the morning I was on my way to that ultrasound on July 3.  The entire song speaks my heart, but the most meaningful lyrics are these:  So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed, You're worth all of me, You're worth all of me.

All Of MeAfraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every fallen tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
Giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me