*Here*, Part 2

I don't think it was just the couple across the aisle that got me *here* - where I was last night.  Unable to focus or write.

It was lots of things.

It was the start of my day - an interaction with one of my children that was necessary, but draining.

It was the challenge to look at life as 'glass-half-full'.  I had 2 simultaneous (and silent) responses to this challenge:  1) Maybe I could give that a try?  2)  Take a baseball bat to the nearest storefront window and smash it to pieces, and then use my (beautiful, new, bright yellow, and very large) purse* as a weapon of sorts against the 'challenger'.  Don't think I would have actually hit this person - she was very sweet and sincere.

*My purse.  I'm not a bright color, lots of accessories, add-a-pop-of-color kind of girl.  But right after my appointment with the neonatologist, I had a little time to kill.  And since I only had one of my children with me, I wandered into a store that I'd heard about - Charming Charlie's.  I looked around for a while, never really intending to buy anything.  But I've become a bit of a spontaneous shopper, and when I saw the big, bright yellow purse, it made me smile - reminding me of my little ray of sunshine, Elliana.  So I got it.  It's the best purse ever.  And it would make a good weapon, but I like it too much to hit anybody with it.  :-)

It was the walk through the zoo with 2 of my boys and being around so many people.  Being with my boys at the zoo was good.  Seeing their smiles and excitement was good.  Being around all those people, even though I didn't know or really talk to any of them, was tiring.

It was the trip to Hobby Lobby, specifically for the purpose of getting more pink and white flowers for Elliana's vase at the 'garden' (that's what my little ones call the cemetery - Elliana's garden).  I sort of enjoy picking out flowers, especially with the help of my kids.  Levi (5) asks things like, 'Do you think Elliana would like these?' and 'If I make Elliana a card, how can we get it to her?'

It was the hour-and-a-half of teaching piano students.  Although I enjoy teaching, it was just... more people.  I like those people, by the way - my students.  They're sweet girls.  :-)

And then it was the school recital, the one I wrote about last night.  Sitting in a room full of people.  Most, I don't know.  And most, I didn't talk to.  I tend to 'hide' in crowds.  It's in a crowd of people that I can feel most alone, and I just want to crawl into a hole.

And... the baby girl I wrote about last night.  I know the 'dad' of this couple who sat across the aisle from me.  I haven't talked to him in years.  But I know that this is his first baby, and even though I never actually looked at him, I could tell that he might be a bit smitten with his daughter.  As he should be.  :-)

It was so many things that got me to that point last night.  Where I just couldn't think a complete thought anymore.  Didn't want to think anymore.

Maybe one day, it won't hurt quite so much.