4:59am

It's 4:59am.  I can't sleep.  I wish I could.  Sleep is a relief from all of this. 

Sleep is a relief for my mind.  When I sleep, I can finally stop thinking. 

And it's a relief for my heart.  When I sleep, it doesn't hurt.  And I don't cry over the littlest things.

Yesterday afternoon, Jason and I were trying to make a plan for the evening.  We'd been inside all day, and the kids were starting to go stir-crazy.  It was simple conversation.  Almost normal.  And then I received a text from my mom, telling me that she'd be here at our house around 8:30, and that my dad was coming, too.  And the tears came. 

Oh, for Pete's sake, when will this STOP?  I just want to be able to turn them off for a while.

It's like a light switch.  Tears just come over anything.  Poor Jason - one minute we're having a somewhat normal conversation, and the next, I'm boo-hooing AGAIN.  He's got to be tired of it.  I'm tired of it. 

Sleep is such a relief.  Maybe I can doze off for 45 minutes before we have to get up and get ready for Elliana's echo.