Escape

People handle grief in different ways.  To be honest, I've been a little afraid of what this might do to me.

I've seen Lifetime movies about mothers who start acting really weird after something traumatic happens to one of their children.  Like, they make up imaginary children.  Or start collecting baby dolls and treating them like real babies.

In the news, I've heard about mothers who just can't handle life anymore and do really, really awful things.

I don't have any imaginary children (I don't think).  And I haven't started any baby doll collections.  And I'm not considering doing anything drastic or awful.

What am I doing?

What anyone other musician would do.  Sort of.

I'm accompanying our local youth theater in next weekend's production of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer'. 

No, I'm not kidding.

A little on the insane side, right?

Because 'Tom Sawyer' isn't really my style.  My favorite composers are Beethoven, Rachmaninoff, and Chopin.  And I love to play in a band, leading worship.  I don't really do bluegrass, ragtime... ummm... 'hick' music.  (No offense intended.  Forgive me, any 'hick' fans/friends of mine.)

How like God to provide an opportunity for me to play - without really playing.  Music is the language I use for communicating my heart.  When I play Beethoven, my heart and soul are in it.  When I help lead worship from behind the piano, I pour my whole being into the notes. 

But my heart is not the least bit tied to 'Tom Sawyer'.  I have no emotional investment in this musical.  I can play the notes on the page.  I can even put some enthusiasm into it - without being emotionally tied to it.  I will confess, though - the songs are actually sort of growing on me.  My dad used to play a lot of Scott Joplin when I was young - this score has a Scott Joplin kind of feel to it.  My dad would be proud.  As would my piano professor from college.  :-)   

So for the next week, I'll be spending many hours at the civic center with a bunch of people who don't have any idea who I am, pounding out (obnoxiously fast) jazzy tunes.  I'll be hiding behind the piano, escaping the heaviness of grief for several hours every night.

I get to do what I love, without putting my heart out there yet. 

Yay for 'Tom Sawyer'.