27 weeks, 3 days

Maybe I'm insane.

The past 4 years with Melissa have given us contact with several WONDERFUL physicians. 

Today, I was able to connect with two of them.  Two specialists at Baptist.  And I was able to connect with both of them today.

I've been thinking about these two doctors for the past several weeks, wondering if they'd be willing to talk with me about Elliana.  And both of them are.  :-)  I don't think either of them will tell me something I don't already know.  I don't think they'll change the prognosis.  But I think they can both help me.

There are a few things about Elliana that we haven't shared publicly.  I think I've been really afraid people will think less of her if they know she has some physical differences.  But I think I've reached a point where I really just don't care what people think.  This is my baby girl - differences and all.

Elliana has a cleft lip.  One of the things we have to think through with this birth plan is what kind of feeding measures we want the doctors to take.  I really don't want to think about it at all.  I want to be able to nurse her.  And nursing is a possibility, but from what I understand, it can be quite a challenge.  So, my first choice is to feed her myself.  But we need a Plan B.  And maybe even a Plan C. 

One of Missy's former doctors is a developmental pediatrician who specializes in feeding difficulties.  Years ago, she gave me her direct number.  Who does that anymore??? She is fantastic.  We loved going to see her, and I'm sorta sad that we don't have to see her anymore.  Anyway, today, I called her and left her a brief message explaining our circumstances. 

She called me back this afternoon.  Said she remembered me - even recognized my voice on the message.  She's unavailable tomorrow, but she said that she'd try to be in touch on Friday.  She's willing to help me think through this.  I don't know why this amazes me, but it does. 

Another of Missy's doctors, who we still see about once per year, is a geneticist.  But she's not just any geneticist.  Going to see her is like going to visit your child's grandmother, who just happens to know all about her medical condition.  She's wonderful.  I didn't have her direct number.  I tried to figure out a way to leave her a voicemail, but really couldn't get much further than a receptionist. 

So I looked on Baptist's website to see if, by some miracle, she had an email address.  And she does.  I emailed her this afternoon and asked her if she could just help me understand more about the diagnosis and why the prognosis is so poor. 

I know - it's already been explained to me.  But I need to hear it again.  From someone I know and trust.

This wonderful woman emailed me back almost immediately and said she was happy to help me.  She even asked permission to access our amnio results, speak with the lab director, and contact the genetic counselor we've spoken with. 

It's been a while since I've really felt like God has answered any of my prayers with anything but a big fat 'no'.  But today, even though I didn't even pray and ask for Him to intervene in any of this, I think He answered me - with help from 'friends' He placed in our lives years ago, who happen to be specialists.

I don't expect that either of these doctors will give me any better news or change Elliana's prognosis.  But I do expect that I'll have more information.  That I'll understand why Tetrasomy 9p is almost always a death sentence.  And that I'll know better how to meet Elliana's most basic physical need, eating, while she's in my arms.